1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:02,672 Oh, God. 2 00:00:02,737 --> 00:00:04,239 it's a little early, isn't it? 3 00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:06,148 Go back to sleep. I don't need you awake for this. 4 00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:08,585 Honey, it's Christmas Eve. 5 00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,588 Are you gonna spend all day on that thing? 6 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,454 I made a promise. Yes! 7 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,721 Last Christmas, Phil got an elliptical machine... 8 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:20,163 and vowed to walk the equivalent of our house to Canada in one year. 9 00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:22,929 This body doesn't just happen, ladies. 10 00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:25,527 If he didn't make it, no machine in the bedroom. 11 00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:28,665 Except for this machine in the bedroom, ladies. 12 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,766 Who are these ladies? 13 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,241 Oh, Phil, give it up. 14 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,337 Oh, you would love that, wouldn't you? 15 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,815 Just when I'm so close to the Canadian border... 16 00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:41,081 I can smell the bacon and the reasonably priced medications. 17 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,883 Mom, this came for you from Nana. 18 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,945 I don't know why she bothers to wrap it every year. 19 00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:46,855 It's always the same thing- slippers. 20 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,860 You never know. She might surprise you this year. 21 00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:52,329 Would you care to take a visit to the Museum of Maternal indifference? 22 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:55,196 Watch it! 23 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,963 Oh. Careful! 24 00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:59,732 You guys are really moving her downstairs right now? 25 00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:01,296 Aren't you gonna be late for work? 26 00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,239 They're not gonna fire an elf on Christmas Eve. 27 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,868 Ugh. I thought this would be lighter without my shoes on it. 28 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:08,641 You know, once you set up your room, you could put books on this. 29 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:11,512 Books... on a shoe shelf. Right. 30 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,212 - Not gonna jump on that? - I'm just too happy. 31 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:16,255 After today, there'll be no more clothes thrown everywhere... 32 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,813 no more hour-long phone calls where all she says is "No way." 33 00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:22,986 I think it's a little sad that you guys are doing this today. 34 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:26,623 I remember when you used to get into the same bed on Christmas Eve... 35 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,133 and talk about all the presents you were gonna get. 36 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,692 It's a perfect day for it. 37 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,635 When I wake up in my own room tomorrow... 38 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:35,230 I'm going to be giving thanks for my independence. 39 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,742 And isn't that what Christmas is all about? 40 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,372 Seriously? Nothing? 41 00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:43,245 ♪ Hey, hey♪ 42 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,341 ♪ Hey, hey♪ 43 00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,443 ♪ Hey, hey♪ 44 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,419 ♪ Hey, hey♪ 45 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:50,581 ♪ Hey,♪♪ 46 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,586 This is your great-grandmother's recipe. 47 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,526 If she could see you now- 48 00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,690 She would die again because you're doing it wrong! 49 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:02,324 My mother has been here all week. 50 00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:04,869 I love her very much, but you know what they say- 51 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:08,930 House guests start to stink after three days, like dead bodies. 52 00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,400 What the hell is that? 53 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,036 A fiber-optic tree. 54 00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:16,012 It's way better for the environment than a real one. 55 00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:18,072 Not if the environment is my living room. 56 00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:21,279 Look, I admit, it takes some getting used to, but so did Greek yogurt. 57 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:23,481 Now I can't even remember how the old stuff tastes. 58 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:26,991 Why do we keep changing things that don't need changing? 59 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,527 Christmas is real trees and eggnog. 60 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:32,393 Perry Como and Bing on the hi-fi. 61 00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,729 - Now you're just making up words. - I'm drawing a line in the sand. 62 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:37,962 We're gonna get a real tree and cut it down like I did when I was a kid. 63 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,026 Follow me. 64 00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:41,198 - Hi, Dad. - Can't talk. Saving Christmas. 65 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,764 Oh. 66 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,276 - Ay. Thank you again for coming. - No problem. 67 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,710 - I love babysitting. - Good. 68 00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,611 We're going to run some quick errands. 69 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,207 - Wait. if you're taking Joe- - Hola, Claire. 70 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,753 Around 4:00, she gets fussy for her bottle. 71 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:57,049 Um- 72 00:02:57,111 --> 00:03:00,490 Lily, do you know why I'm able to relax and read this paper today? 73 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,255 Because you don't have a job? 74 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,728 I am starting a new job in exactly- 75 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:07,129 No. We're not doing this again. 76 00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,794 It's because I planned ahead. 77 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,734 I finished my Christmas shopping weeks ago. 78 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,396 It's important to keep busy. 79 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:16,134 I-it is perfectly normal to take some downti- 80 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:17,437 No. No. 81 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:20,411 Okay. I printed out the directions to Pepper's party. 82 00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:23,744 Oh. We're calling it "The 12 Gays of Christmas" now. 83 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,148 Just be thankful we talked him out of "Feliz Navidude." 84 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:29,848 Okay, honey, finish your breakfast so we can go help our fellow man. 85 00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,890 One hour at this charity event, max. 86 00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:36,185 I can't eat. I'm too excited to get my Puppy Pound. 87 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:40,221 - I'm- I'm sorry. Your what? - Puppy Pounds have six puppies with online profiles. 88 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:42,460 Ask your parents before using the internet. 89 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:46,198 Honey, you never mentioned a Puppy Pound. it's not on your list. 90 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:49,264 Yes, it is. "Puppy Pound." 91 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,367 Oh, no! She put a "P" backwards. 92 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,434 And, honey, there's a "U" in "pound." 93 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,377 - This says "guppy pond." - Guppy pond. 94 00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,507 - Guppy pond. - What is a guppy pond? 95 00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:01,281 It's only the- the coolest gift ever. 96 00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:02,980 I want a Puppy Pound. 97 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,647 Um, honey, it's- 98 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,214 Okay. 99 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,782 I am not pointing fingers, but our daughter... 100 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:10,988 had exactly one thing on her list... 101 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,395 and someone didn't get it... 102 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,491 so someone needs to go to the mall. 103 00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:17,297 - You're pointing fingers. - No. 104 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:19,565 It's still a one. It just fell asleep on the job. 105 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:24,435 Ellipticaler's log, 1 2/24. 106 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,409 Ten miles from Canadian border. 107 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:29,038 high. strong. 108 00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:32,016 Must get another application of thigh lube. 109 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,574 Oh, good. Luke. 110 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:36,247 Dad, I was with you on the tightrope. 111 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,620 I was your wingman in the wing-eating competition. 112 00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:41,387 I'm not feeling this one. You're missing Christmas Eve. 113 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,452 There's something more important than Christmas, Son- pride. 114 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,361 If I don't make it to Canada, your mom wins... 115 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,696 and this baby ends up in the garage first thing in the morning. 116 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,997 Our garage? 117 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,799 I'm in charge of the recycling. 118 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,932 I'm supposed to bring it from the garage to the curb by 6:00 a. m. Thursday morning. 119 00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,101 I may have missed a few weeks. 120 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,379 Shoot! 121 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:07,111 Maybe more than a few weeks. 122 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,915 After a while, the pile just got so big... 123 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:12,287 I couldn't bring it out the night before or people would ask questions. 124 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,792 I don't need people asking questions. 125 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,521 Then you're right. You've got to finish. 126 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,859 You'll never use this thing in the garage. it's too drafty. 127 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:22,594 That's why I'm going to Canada, buddy- to avoid the draft. 128 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,158 No. 129 00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:26,561 Eh. 130 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,804 Bang. 131 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,070 I know we've been hiking for an hour... 132 00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:34,237 but worth it when you look at this beauty, huh? 133 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:36,907 That's why you don't cut down the first tree you see. 134 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,972 This is literally the first tree we saw. 135 00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,541 There's our car. 136 00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:42,245 No, we started that way. 137 00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,289 So, you're arguing that we walked entirely around the earth? 138 00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:47,849 Give me the ax. 139 00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,299 Don't give me that look. 140 00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:57,802 Trees are like women. The best ones make you work a little bit harder. 141 00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:06,276 She's just not that into you. 142 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,335 - I know! - Sorry it took so long. 143 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:12,407 Oh, it's fine. Claire and I were having a nice time catching up. 144 00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,975 Ven con tu abuela. 145 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:17,079 - I am really sorry that I am late. - No, you're not. 146 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,124 - No, I'm not. - Mm-hmm. it's fine. 147 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,920 Just hope I didn't talk Pilar's ear off. 148 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:26,863 No! I love hearing about your family and your big new job. 149 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,127 Oh, well, it-it's not such a big job. 150 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,135 I mean, I'm really just working for my dad. 151 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,603 But you're working hard. I'm proud of you. 152 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,231 - How do they look? - Ooh! Perfect. 153 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,640 - Yes. - You are a wonderful student. 154 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,838 - Thank you. - My grandmother taught my mother. 155 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:45,008 My mother taught me, and now I teach Claire. 156 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,676 And don't be so modest. 157 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:50,654 I respect a woman who can raise a family and have a full-time job. 158 00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:54,386 Can you believe that on Fridays they don't even have to dress up? 159 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:55,825 - Taste. Taste. Taste. - Oh. 160 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,829 Sometimes they even wear sweatpants. 161 00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,762 Would you like to lick the batter? 162 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,663 - Yes! Oh, yes! - You like that? 163 00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,429 - Me too. There's one for- - No, no, no! 164 00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,436 - Helpers only. - Uh-huh. 165 00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:07,335 I don't make the rules. 166 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,205 Oh, Lily, what a beautiful ornament. 167 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,373 That's gonna make a little kid very happy. 168 00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,212 Wait. I don't get to keep this? 169 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,808 Why am I killing myself? 170 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,375 Okay, kids! 171 00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:24,855 We've got a visitor from the North Pole, and he brought presents. 172 00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,649 Hey! Hey, how's it going? 173 00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:30,319 There are no Puppy Pounds anywhere. 174 00:07:30,384 --> 00:07:33,854 It's like trying to find a Cabbage Patch Kid on Christmas Eve, 1983. 175 00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,093 Still hurts, huh? 176 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,566 I had her bed all made. 177 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,603 Okay. Well, Lily is gonna be devastated. 178 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,503 Call around. Get us on some lists. You have to do something. 179 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,940 I'll figure it out. How's the fund-raiser? 180 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,739 Oh, well, I'm managing. You know. Oh, bring the checkbook. 181 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,802 You can always tell when they're gearing up for the big ask- 182 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:51,179 They fill you full of freebies. 183 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,184 Oh, hey, I gotta go. Gotta help somebody. 184 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:57,085 Hi. Classic. Flawlessly executed. 185 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,283 - If I had one- - Just trying to bring a smile to you folks. 186 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,587 - You're gonna get through this. - Get through what? 187 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,629 Don't be embarrassed. Everyone here is in the same boat. 188 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,096 We are? 189 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:09,100 Best thing about the hot chocolate- They let us keep the mug. 190 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,503 I thought it was a charity event for the needy. 191 00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:21,239 Turns out, it was a charity event for the needy. 192 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,541 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 193 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,947 - Look! Santa gave me a Puppy Pound. - What? No. 194 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,643 I'm finally happy. 195 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,584 I'd like a picture for the newsletter. 196 00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:31,384 - You can show your mommy. - I don't have a mommy. 197 00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:33,288 This is why I do this. 198 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,026 That cramp could be a heart attack. 199 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,792 Here's some advice I've been holding back on. 200 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,890 Always shave with the grain. 201 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:46,267 - No reputable talent agent will ever ask for money up front. - Dad, you're fine. 202 00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:48,397 - I really want to quit, Luke. - No, you're gonna make it. 203 00:08:48,462 --> 00:08:50,135 He was never gonna make it. 204 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,904 I just needed to buy some time. 205 00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,736 That's a lot of product you're moving. 206 00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,678 Just bring it to a recycling place. 207 00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:58,307 Not until I get paid. 208 00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:02,013 Just so you know, this is six weeks' allowance. 209 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,952 You have the coolest parents ever. 210 00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:07,322 I want to know when you're about to leave, so give me a honk. 211 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,883 Honk! 212 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:11,156 From your car. 213 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,926 The best business card is a firm handshake. 214 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:17,594 The best pickup line is a tight pair of Dockers. 215 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,501 - The best Dockers- - Dad, save your breath. 216 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,938 - You're in the last five miles. - I'm never gonna make it! 217 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,633 Of course you are. 218 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,540 Then again, do what you want. I got stuff to do. 219 00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,101 - I'm gonna quit. - Cool. 220 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,205 What's one more failure? 221 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,716 You ever wonder why we take such a crazy route to school? 222 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,485 So I don't have to drive by certain places- 223 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,218 the flute teacher's house I went to once... 224 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,693 the French cooking academy I quit after learning only two of the five mother sauces... 225 00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:49,300 the hot yoga studio I left after happy baby. 226 00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:52,633 I guess there's no avoiding this big failure sitting in my garage. 227 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,730 - Get up. - I appreciate it, buddy, but- 228 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,299 Get up. 229 00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,039 I don't know anything about flutes... 230 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:04,139 or cooking or happy babies... 231 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:07,310 but I'm damn sure getting my dad to Canada. 232 00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,115 Now mount that beast. 233 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:10,814 Thank you, Son. 234 00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:14,188 You can thank me after you cross the finish line and the celebration begins. 235 00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,693 Just picture that. 236 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,252 I'm picturing it. 237 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:23,159 I'm picturing it. I'm really picturing it! 238 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:27,835 - Thanks, Santa. - Yeah. You got it. 239 00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:30,101 Don't forget a candy cane from Mrs. Claus. 240 00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:32,040 I gotta take a break. 241 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,942 What? 242 00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,915 Um- it's okay. Does anybody want to take a picture with me? 243 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:41,214 - I'll do it. - Oh, maybe just the kids. 244 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,983 - What was that? - What was what? 245 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,682 Santa doesn't take breaks. 246 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,487 He visits the North Pole. 247 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,788 And why do you leave your things all over? 248 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,352 Who do you think cleans this place up? 249 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,193 Oh, you are such a nag! 250 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:56,063 Can't we at least act like a happy couple during the holidays? 251 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:57,693 For the children! 252 00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,533 Another hot chocolate? 253 00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:01,595 How many more of those are you going to drink? 254 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,232 At least it's warm, unlike you! 255 00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,333 He travels a lot. 256 00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:07,936 She's put on cookie weight. it's hard. 257 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,508 Yes, you can put me on the last-minute shoppers waiting list. 258 00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:13,073 - Unbelievable. - Oh! Well, there he is. 259 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,642 - Hey, Jotham. - Hey. 260 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:17,552 Oh, looks like someone did a little last-minute Christmas shopping. 261 00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,113 That Daniel's a lucky guy. 262 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,557 Yes, he is, but these are for Pepper's party. 263 00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:23,595 His invitation said "No gifts, please." 264 00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:25,652 Say that again... as Pepper. 265 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,598 - No gifts? - Please. 266 00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,157 5:00, Christmas Eve... 267 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:32,499 and I have to find a dozen perfect presents... 268 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,506 for the world's snarkiest, cattiest men- 269 00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,508 my dear, dear friends. 270 00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:40,238 Pull! Pull! Pull! 271 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,837 - Yeah. Hey, take a break. - This is taking forever. 272 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:46,715 It's supposed to. Took my dad and I all day to get a tree. 273 00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:48,753 And when he finally brought her down... 274 00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:51,016 he used to celebrate with a cigar. 275 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,149 I was just a kid, so I'd have a cigarette. 276 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,591 All right, grab the other end. 277 00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:59,163 There we go. Now we got a groove. 278 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,665 - Yeah. - There we- 279 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:03,963 - It won't budge! - What the hell is this wood made of? 280 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,526 They ought to make saws out of it. 281 00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,265 Let's face it. The tree's beaten us. 282 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,273 Hey, we're Pritchetts. We don't quit. 283 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,866 Besides, all my tools are stuck in it. 284 00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:14,645 I got it. 285 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,672 It's simple physics. 286 00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:20,810 A little pressure, the thing will snap where we put the blade in. Done. 287 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:23,150 Just hit the gas. 288 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,656 It's working. That's why they call it Yankee ingen- 289 00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,214 Get down! 290 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,753 - It's bald on one side now. - It'll be fine. 291 00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:34,094 We'll just comb over some branches. 292 00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,900 Oh, Claire, I thought that you had left. 293 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,565 She was going to, but I wanted to show her how much better she looks... 294 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:44,006 - without this hair blocking her pretty face. - Mmm. 295 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,907 She does have beautiful hair though. 296 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:49,106 Ay. sí. Porque escogió un colorbonito en el salón de belleza será. ¿Por qué más? 297 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:52,013 - What did she say? - That you picked a good color. 298 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,076 At least, I think that's what she said with that American accent. 299 00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:57,588 You don't have to entertain her. 300 00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,181 After all, she's my mother. 301 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:04,059 Ah, this used to be Glorita's favorite. 302 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:08,327 She used to do headstands to get extra cookies- at least, she'd try. 303 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,390 Yeah, but it's not easy. 304 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,563 I mean, it's hard enough to keep all this right-side up. 305 00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:16,403 Imagine when I had to put it all right-side down. it was- 306 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,500 Oh, my gosh. I can't believe I can still do it. 307 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,977 - Look at that. Oh, wow. - Look at Claire, Gloria! 308 00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:24,072 Very good. Two cookies for you. 309 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,377 Thank you! 310 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,975 Yeah, but she needs a pedicure. Look at that. 311 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,543 Oh! You knocked me down. 312 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,680 - I did not. - Yes, you did too! 313 00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:33,622 Girls! 314 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,990 Girls! Girls! Girls! 315 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:39,030 No need to fight. I don't have a favorite. 316 00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,962 Why the hell not? 317 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,868 I am very disappointed in both of you. 318 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:52,433 Family members should treat each other with love and respect. 319 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,604 Except that Claire is not part of our family. 320 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,978 - Cierra la boca. - No. No, no. 321 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,812 She's right, unless that's what you just said. 322 00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:01,978 I can't tell, 'cause I-I only took French, and je parle un peu 323 00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:05,114 - Oh, you have a beautiful accent. - Really? Do you think so? 324 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,886 - ¡Ay. ya, por favor! - I'm sorry. I- 325 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:12,755 I- I'm jealous. 326 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:18,269 Ay. Claire. But you're beautiful too, in your own way. 327 00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,828 No. I'm not jealous of you. 328 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:24,239 I'm jealous of how your mother comes all the way to see you from Colombia... 329 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,903 when my own mother won't even get on a bus... 330 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:29,004 from the almond co-op she lives on three hours away. 331 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,480 She sends presents, no? 332 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,643 Yeah. The same thing every year. It's always slippers. 333 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,812 - I am sorry. - Thank you. 334 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:38,720 But I shouldn't take it out on you just 'cause I have a lousy mom. 335 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,917 Don't disrespect your mother! 336 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,619 - Is she always like this? - Yes. 337 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:48,030 Did you ever think maybe there's a reason she sends you that gift? 338 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:51,001 Yeah, 'cause she found something when I was eight years old that I actually liked... 339 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,798 and she hasn't thought about it since. 340 00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:55,897 Well, maybe she thinks about it a lot. 341 00:14:55,962 --> 00:15:00,570 Maybe she remembers a time when she made you happy... 342 00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:02,978 and she wants to go back there. 343 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:05,277 Well, now I feel terrible. 344 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,511 The only thing I sent her was an e-card. 345 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,487 We don't like to admit it... 346 00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:16,189 but mothers never get over the day their daughters leave them. 347 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:20,391 We never stop needing our little girls. 348 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,500 I will never stop needing you, Mama. 349 00:15:29,863 --> 00:15:31,365 Mmm. 350 00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,677 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 351 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,407 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 352 00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,915 Excuse me, elf. It's been 45 minutes. Where's Santa? 353 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,508 I don't know. 354 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:44,487 Maybe he's a little busy making presents for every child in the world. 355 00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,717 One second. 356 00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:49,556 Hey. You're just gonna leave? 357 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:53,359 - Where is he? - He said he was going out for a pack of candy canes. 358 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,366 - You mean like those? - Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa! 359 00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,265 Okay. Wake up! 360 00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:00,271 He is not coming back. Okay. 361 00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:03,069 We need to change into our regular clothes and sneak out. 362 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,268 Who am I kidding? My eyes are unforgettable. 363 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,642 I couldn't even hold on to a fake husband. 364 00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:10,341 I always thought you were the tough one to live with, but maybe I am. 365 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,212 Okay, they've breached the jelly bean moat. 366 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,774 - This is a problem. - It's a big problem. 367 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,184 All this time I've been waiting for a guy to see the true me... 368 00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,744 and now I'm scared he will. 369 00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,018 - My God, they've got Blitzen! - What's going to happen to me? 370 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,617 Am I just going to nitpick everyone until they leave me? 371 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,060 - Hey, Mom found somebody. - That's true. 372 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,792 Okay, listen. We really need to get out of here. 373 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:31,165 But I just want to let you know that you weren't all bad to live with. I thought- 374 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,828 Oh, my God! 375 00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:35,463 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 376 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:38,737 Where's Santa? 377 00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,903 Only a hundred more yards. 378 00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,640 You're just about there. 379 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,204 Can you see it? 380 00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:45,806 It's so beautiful. 381 00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,408 It's so green. 382 00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,920 - And, wow, those are high up there. - The mountains? 383 00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,547 No, my shorts again. Would you mind giving them one last tug? 384 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:53,989 You're crossing the border. 385 00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:56,357 I know, and I feel bad asking, but I'm tasting cotton. 386 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:59,260 No. You did it. You're in Canada. 387 00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:01,094 Wait. What? 388 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:04,829 I did it? I did it! 389 00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,427 I did it. I did it! 390 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:09,099 Let's go tell Mom. 391 00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:13,171 Wait. How did I used to walk? 392 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,940 All right. Come on, sweetie. 393 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:17,607 Let's go. 394 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,784 - Uh, we're serving Christmas dinner. - Uh, no. That's fine. 395 00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,514 We have to actually get going, so- 396 00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,920 - But I haven't eaten today. - Oh, you poor thing. 397 00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:27,481 No, she's fine. She's fine. 398 00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:31,090 There he is. Honey, where did you get this coat? 399 00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:34,758 Sorry, kids. it looks like we've run out of coats and toys. 400 00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:37,461 That's okay, Mom. 401 00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:39,026 At least I got to see presents. 402 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,867 Okay. Come on. Let's go. 403 00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,565 Hey! How are my do-gooders? 404 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,472 - Did you have fun? - Yep. Talk about it in the car. 405 00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:45,703 Oh, my gosh. 406 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,210 Wow! 407 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,804 - What are these? - Yeah, I went a little crazy, huh? 408 00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:51,610 No. No, no. it's a Christmas miracle. 409 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,311 Kids! Kids! Who wants presents? 410 00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:57,446 - Cam, what are you doing? - No, trust me. Lily has enough. 411 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,547 - Cam. Cam. - Everybody, merry Christmas! 412 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,319 - Ho, ho, ho! - Hey, Cam. 413 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:04,624 - Not that one. - ¡Feliz Navidad! 414 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,163 Okay. Those aren't for Lily. 415 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:09,325 - "His-and-his shower clogs"? - They're for Pepper's party. 416 00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,562 - He said, "No gifts, please." - imagine how Pepper would say that. 417 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:14,195 What's a Himalayan salt plate? 418 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,206 You can season your food while you serve it. 419 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,299 - Yeah. - "Body fat scale"? 420 00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:20,867 I wish I would've had one of those when I was your age. You're welcome. 421 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,675 Who's Robert Mapplethorpe? 422 00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:25,045 Actually, I'm gonna need that one back. Sorry. 423 00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:28,814 That's okay. All I really wanted this year was a Puppy Pound. 424 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:32,448 Here. You can have mine. it's really fun. 425 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,924 Oh, my gosh. That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. 426 00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:37,825 Lily, honey, that was so nice. 427 00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,921 It's okay. I'll get one tomorrow. 428 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:43,695 - Um, well, you know what? About that- - Cam? Cam? 429 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:47,169 Uh, that was the T-O-Y S-T-O-R-E. 430 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,070 - What? - Someone returned their Puppy Pound. 431 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,575 We can't get over there in time before the store closes. 432 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,611 Wait, you know who lives right over there? 433 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:58,978 Oh, no. No! 434 00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:09,259 Almost there. 435 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,192 No. 436 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,663 No! Why? 437 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,633 Why? 438 00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,796 In hindsight, the cigar was a mistake. 439 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,138 So what do we do now? 440 00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:27,542 - We go home. - I thought Pritchetts never give up. 441 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,104 They know when to give up, which is its own kind of victory. 442 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,151 - Unless- - What? 443 00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:34,879 No. it's crazy. 444 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,751 - Unless- - Are you really gonna make me ask you again? 445 00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:41,314 We somehow apply pressure to the axhead already in the tree. 446 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:43,486 - I bet we can use the jack from the car. - Of course. 447 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,429 - The upward motion will split the trunk. - Yeah. 448 00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:55,768 - We can always tell people that's how we did it. - That is how we did it. 449 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,400 People love getting new things... 450 00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:01,604 but the best stuff has a story behind it. 451 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,170 Damn fine tree. 452 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,806 Except the saw's still stuck in the trunk. 453 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,750 Yeah, you're gonna want to keep your brother away from that, huh? 454 00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:10,947 A lot of times, it's only after we get rid of something- 455 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,353 Room for me? 456 00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:15,018 That we realize how much we miss it. 457 00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:19,092 - Aw. - That is cute! 458 00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:22,031 Nice. Good job, Luke. 459 00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:24,090 Yea! A Puppy Pound! 460 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:27,933 And things that seem worthless... 461 00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:30,668 suddenly turn out to be super valuable- 462 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,539 Okay, everybody, picture in front of the tree. 463 00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,044 Timer's set. Ready? 464 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,603 No, no. Another one. 465 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,444 Oh, no! 466 00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:40,006 What? No! 467 00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,814 Maybe even precious. 468 00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:45,117 Which is why I thought getting rid of this stuff would be a huge mistake. 469 00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:46,885 - Ah. - Nice try. 470 00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:49,688 - You still owe us six weeks' allowance. - And the fireworks. 471 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,820 How could you screw this up? 472 00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,386 What? 473 00:20:58,024 --> 00:21:00,470 I'll see you in Vancouver, eh? 474 00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:02,130 No. Luke, do the accent again? 475 00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:03,503 Oh, are you on that machine? 476 00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,600 Yes, Juliana, but unlike your husband... 477 00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:07,838 I'll be finished before you know it. 478 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,278 - You know what? It's actually easier this way! - Hmm. 479 00:21:10,336 --> 00:21:11,940 Wonder if you can patent a movement? 480 00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:15,214 Call it Philiptical- 481 00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:25,522 Dad, trick-or-treaters. We're out of candy! 482 00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:27,087 Who is this Dad? 483 00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:29,292 I'm Gandalf! 484 00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:30,993 Huzzah!